Susan Cain does a wonderful job of balancing anecdotal explanations and scientific studies to go into great detail about what it means to be an introvert, why it's awesome, the pros and cons between introversion and extroversion, and how to best structure your life to function best as an introvert. For example, a developmental psychologist named Jerome Kagan did a long term study on a group of infants where they introduced the kids to a whole bunch of different stimuli and predicted which ones would be introverts and which would be extroverts. He predicted that the kids who pumped their arms and legs in response to the new things were introverts and the ones who sat there unresponsive were the extroverts. It turns out that introverts have amygdalas that react stronger to new and unknown situations. As a kid, the response to this is to react to it. As we grow older we tend to internalize those responses, but we feel much more aversion to new things then extroverts.
This explains why I've always been hesitant to try new foods, go new places by myself, interact with strangers, and so on. I can get over these things, but I have a built in wall of aversion that I have to punch through first. If I'm pressured to bust through this wall at a faster pace than I'm okay with, my reaction is to push back even stronger and refuse to do whatever it is. This might be a separate trait from introversion, since this particular response never came up in this book. I also am very opposed when someone tries to pressure someone else into doing something they don't want for a similar reason. This empathy is a trait of introversion, since we generally pick up on other peoples' emotions and also apparently feel guilty really easily (which explains why I apologize much more often than I probably should). But getting back to the book, if you think you're an introvert or know one and want to know how best to interact with them, I'd highly recommend this book.
My boss told me this weekend that I was an introvert because, I apparently internalize my reactions to new things and avoid small talk. In regards to that "wall" of aversion you have, I think we all have some kind of wall that reacts when we attempt to or are pressured to defy our comfort zone. This "wall" is defined partially by us, and partially by our reactions to our environment and interactions. Extroverts have them too. They keep us safe, or our definition thereof. But I'm also a fan of not being defined by my comfort zone, and it explains why I'm usually trying to get people to come out of their's, too.
ReplyDeleteLike most things, introversion/extroversion is more a spectrum than you're either one or the other. So it's very possible to have some introverted tendencies and some extroverted ones. I know you are definitely far more extroverted than I am because you enjoy large gatherings and seem to get energized by them. However, you also enjoy deep discussions, which is a very introverted thing.
DeleteExtroverts do have the same walls, but generally not as many, and generally not as tough to get past (I think, I can't speak from experience as I am pretty much 100% introverted). I understand the importance of being able to go outside comfort zones, but if I don't see a good reason to do something outside my comfort zone, I probably won't do it. For example, telling me to do something just because or because I haven't done it before will never ever work. But saying, this experience will be like this other one you enjoyed, so you should try it, probably will. Especially if your prior recommendations to me have proven to be good ones. :)
Recently you mentioned that your more introverted then me. And you are right, however between church and costco is what really got me to that point. I used to be way more introverted then I am now. I was extremely shy in the past. I sometimes revert but I am happy that I am so much more comfortable in various situations then I would have been in the past.
ReplyDeleteShe mentions this briefly in the book, but doesn't go into too much detail, but there is a difference between introversion and shyness. Introverted people do tend to be shy more often than not, though. It's hard to tell sometimes since introverted people don't like small talk and when meeting new people, you're more likely to be forced to have lots of small talk.
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